I heard an interview this morning on NPR that a transgendered woman did with her daughter about her previous life as a man and her gratitude towards her daughter for the acceptance and love with which she has met her "coming out". It was a beautifully poignant interview as most Story Corps interviews are. You can listen to it here. What stuck with me were her closing words "I walk in love, and I try to live that every day."
I haven't been walking in love with my pregnant body per se. I am overthemoon in love with the baby boy inside. But the outside has been giving me a helluva ride. It has been a difficult change for me as I accept the way in which my body decides to make a baby. That's how my midwife put it when we talked about my surprising weight gain in the second trimester. This is how your body makes babies. My body goes all out for making babies. Nearly everyone we meet or see remarks on my size. Several people asked me in the past week if I'm carrying twins. An all time favorite I got yesterday was How many babies are IN THERE!? It's rather rude for anyone to comment on anyone's body size, no matter how pregnant or unpregnant they are. I know they aren't trying to be rude, they all say it with the same stupidly huge grin that says Holy shit! You're huge! But no stranger or friend is deliberately trying to send me into a mind tizzy about my ever growing body. ***I should clarify that it is NICK who knows this and who reminds me of it every. single. time. For it sends me certainly into a mind tizzy each time and it is Nick who reminds me of humanity's faults and general love and pulls me back into the reality outside my head.***
This morning at the grain and garden store a woman coming out as I was coming in said in passing You are beautiful and pregnant! It was almost as though she whispered it. Just I needed to hear. I've literally been smiling from her kind words since. I know I am beautiful. Nick tells me so all the time. It is just the bizarreness of life that the careless things people say are the ones that stick in your head.
This past week the sun has been out with a fierceness usually reserved for summer. And so my belly and I have been out too. I've been decisively working on loving this pregnant body and on blocking out the noise of other humans putting their mouths before their brains. Wednesday I spent all day in a little tank top that refused to roll over the bump and a low skirt that rode beneath it.
It is so important for everyone to feel comfortable in their own body and to love their own body. Nick does this effortlessly. I don't. But I certainly know how I want my children to live and learn. This week and right through the day this boy is born and then right through the rest of my life I will be working towards walking in love with my body. For the next 3 months I will relish in the miracle that is happening beneath it's giant surface and marvel at the size the body can grow to accomodate this little being. I can't promise that means more photos here, as there is a greater leap between loving thy own body and sending it into the great abyss that is here. So for today I give you this taken as I write: