5.03.2013

walking in love, 7 mos pregnant

I heard an interview this morning on NPR that a transgendered woman did with her daughter about her previous life as a man and her gratitude towards her daughter for the acceptance and love with which she has met her "coming out".  It was a beautifully poignant interview as most Story Corps interviews are. You can listen to it here. What stuck with me were her closing words "I walk in love, and I try to live that every day."

I haven't been walking in love with my pregnant body per se. I am overthemoon in love with the baby boy inside. But the outside has been giving me a helluva ride. It has been a difficult change for me as I accept the way in which my body decides to make a baby. That's how my midwife put it when we talked about my surprising weight gain in the second trimester. This is how your body makes babies. My body goes all out for making babies. Nearly everyone we meet or see remarks on my size. Several people asked me in the past week if I'm carrying twins. An all time favorite I got yesterday was How many babies are IN THERE!?  It's rather rude for anyone to comment on anyone's body size, no matter how pregnant or unpregnant they are. I know they aren't trying to be rude, they all say it with the same stupidly huge grin that says Holy shit! You're huge!  But no stranger or friend is deliberately trying to send me into a mind tizzy about my ever growing body. ***I should clarify that it is NICK who knows this and who reminds me of it every. single. time. For it sends me certainly into a mind tizzy each time and it is Nick who reminds me of humanity's faults and general love and pulls me back into the reality outside my head.***

This morning at the grain and garden store a woman coming out as I was coming in said in passing You are beautiful and pregnant! It was almost as though she whispered it. Just I needed to hear. I've literally been smiling from her kind words since. I know I am beautiful. Nick tells me so all the time. It is just the bizarreness of life that the careless things people say are the ones that stick in your head.

This past week the sun has been out with a fierceness usually reserved for summer. And so my belly and I have been out too. I've been decisively working on loving this pregnant body and on blocking out the noise of other humans putting their mouths before their brains. Wednesday I spent all day in a little tank top that refused to roll over the bump and a low skirt that rode beneath it.

It is so important for everyone to feel comfortable in their own body and to love their own body. Nick does this effortlessly. I don't. But I certainly know how I want my children to live and learn. This week and right through the day this boy is born and then right through the rest of my life I will be working towards walking in love with my body. For the next 3 months I will relish in the miracle that is happening beneath it's giant surface and marvel at the size the body can grow to accomodate this little being. I can't promise that means more photos here, as there is a greater leap between loving thy own body and sending it into the great abyss that is here. So for today I give you this taken as I write:




42 comments:

  1. Oooh, sisterfriend. I get it. It's so good that you're practicing love. I know that it's hard (I know!!) but it is really good for you. Don't let this amazing thing your body is doing and this amazing time your life with Nick be marred by the unhinged mouths of people who really do mean well but don't think before they speak. I'm so glad you have a supportive midwife. I'm here to commiserate regarding the fools of the earth anytime. xoxoxo

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  2. I never commented on here before, but hey looking at those photos, you really are beautiful and pregnant. I hope you have a wonderful next three months.

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  3. oh kate! i know exactly what you mean. i'm just about a month behind you in my pregnancy and at my 20 week appointment, i got a little freaked out at how much weight i had gained in a month (doesn't help that my mom keeps asking me how much i've gained, but that's another story, right?). at my yoga class the other day, there was a doula there who was talking about the pure amazingness of what our bodies are doing right now. we are MAKING A NEW LIFE. seriously. this is huge. incomprehensibly huge, in fact. i still cannot quite grasp that this is what's happening every time i feel a tap or kick or punch, or see my belly because there is a person inside of it. crazy. anyways, all this to say that you are radiantly beautiful (someone said this to me last night and i'm sure it made me radiate even more). do not listen, if you can help it, to all the negativity out there. i don't know why people think that's okay. i am inspired by and so agree with your feelings about trying to be a better person (whatever that means) to teach our children how to be good people. what will our babies think if they see their mamas constantly criticizing themselves? much love to you, beautiful lady. (and sorry for the novel of a comment!)

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  4. You are not huge. I am huge!! I'm 8 months and I get all the same comments! Seriously - you should see my pictures! (http://thewestmanfamily.blogspot.ca/)

    I love your outlook on the weight gain though. I really needed to read this! I too will work on walking in love with my body, especially in these last 2 months. You are SO beautiful!!!!

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  5. Kate, this post made me smile only because I have been in your very shoes, twice! I always joke that my body does pregnancy ALL IN! Every part of me gets in on the action, with my face and rear end competing with my belly for size. It's a strange thing to see how your body grows and expands especially when you never had to think much at all about weight before getting pregnant. But it is a miraculous thing that is happening - even for all it's uncomfortable, unglamorous happenings. Walk in love and know that you are beautiful to all who know you. Love you SO much and owe you a good long email. xo, M

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  6. I'm a VERY large pregnant woman also. If you want to see pictures I'm at vernamichelle.wordpress.com. I've gained 50-60lbs with each of my pregnancies. This is my 3rd and he's right on track with the other two. My body likes to hold onto EVERYTHING I eat. I'm not saying I live on salads or anything but I don't a lot of junk either. I've just come to accept it. I loose it all rather quickly, within 3 months. It takes a little longer for things to shrink down but I'm just trying to not think about it. I get the twins comment all the time too. That's the worst! Hang in there!

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  7. i hope you save these photos forever, or at least long enough for your little boy to see how utterly beautiful you are and how much you loved him from the very start!

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  8. You are gorgeous!!
    I hope to be a beautiful pregnant woman just like you...
    =)

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  9. Honest. I cannot see why people would comment like that other than the fact that they aren't used to seeing pregnant people, you look great! I don't think you look all that big at all. In fact, if I saw you on the street, I'd guess you were about 7 months pregnant and I wouldn't mention it until you did, just in case. :)

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  10. You are pregnant! And you are BEAUTIFUL! Thanks for sharing. Your post really struck a chord with me. And, yes, my goodness yes, it is always those careless things that people say (especially when many people say it) that can wear us down. When I was just as pregnant as you are now last year at this same time (Yay for summer babies) I was still hiding my pregnancy pretty well. So much so that I heard the opposite: "Oh your baby must be tiny." "You can't possibly be 7 months pregnant!" And yet I was. And no, I wasn't tiny (I gained plenty of weight thank. you. very. much), but I'm tall and long and my body hid it I suppose. Staying firm in your love for yourself and confident in what is happening is hard, but it's a good challenge to have, I do believe. And, I am sorry to say those comments will continue well after your wonderful boy is born. Becuase people are curious and they don't know what to say, but they are excited and want to--have to--say something. For us, it was how tiny our daughter was and how she must have been a preemie (she was not: 8 glorious pounds, born at home in three hours!), but it made me doubt myself and my ability to nourish my child in those hazy newborn days. Until I was able to deafen the noise and clearly see my perfect, wonderful, healthy daughter as being just that. Enjoy these last weeks and cherish these moments. Your body is doing exactly what it is supposed to. perfectly. xoxo

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  11. You are radiant! Beautiful. Pregnant. Radiant.

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  12. I just wrote a post on this very same topic this week. No matter how many people tell me that I look great, it's the ones who swear I'm having twins and/or giving birth any day now (even though I'm only 23 weeks along) that really stick. But it's such a beautiful, miraculous journey, I can't even allow myself to get stuck in those emotions. And now, with my third and biggest pregnancy, I am promising myself to love my body for the good work it is doing! Many blessings to you and your growing family! You are beautiful!

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  13. Haha! This is so familiar to me! Yes, remember you are beautiful and your body is doing something amazing! The size comments feel rude but its not meant that way I'm sure! I always wondered if it was nervousness at not knowing what to say - or genuine ignorance at how much a woman's body changes. But you're right - you wouldn't comment on a non-pregnant woman's size (or touch her belly without asking! Wow - I hated that!) Now - as for walking in love with my post-babies body... I'm inspired to try! I have to admit I have a massive new respect for my body because of pregnancy and am much more confident in my own skin... I hope you feel the same way x

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  14. Here's one for the other side...I'm too thin and I'm sick and tired of people making remarks about it. I recently had the courage to speak up and defend myself with a "well-meaning" friend when she said I was just going to "skinny myself away". I looked at her and politely told her that I would never think about telling her she was getting fat so why did she think it was okay to say what she said. She couldn't come up with a reply but I think she got the point. You look great, by the way.

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  15. By the amount of pictures you post of yourself here, I never would have pegged you for someone who didn't walk in love with her own body! (Most especially since you are very beautiful, and it seemed as if you knew that). You don't look like a large pregnant woman at all - people really ought to stop remarking on the size of women's bodies (pregnant or not), and any of us with (non-existent) body issues should get over ourselves already!

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  16. I remember my midwife saying I was *only* half way there when at my 20 week appt I had put on a bunch of weight. She was well intended and it made me reconsider my "daily cupcake" from Woodstar. :/ I actually evened out well by the end of the pregnancy and a year post pardum I was below my starting weight.
    I remember feeling so frustrated at the daily body comments. I work as a hairdresser so it was a daily exclamation, "YOURE HUGE" ( i am also 5'1 which doesn't help the cause) from mine and the salons clients. Oh my god I thought I would really lose my temper on some of these people!!! I couldn't fathom how my body was now all of a sudden public property and open for comments and suggestions and outright stares. There were always supportive women to help me feel better and beautiful, just like you have here with your readers. I just wanted to share my similar experience, and you ARE beautiful and just wait till you meet that little boy. What a wonderful moving experience. Thanks for sharing as always

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  17. Yesterday a coach told me "You are the doorman, you decide which comments are allowed to get in, and which are not". it sounds like a very basic and simple piece of advice but the exercise of picturing me at the door of myself taking care of which things I let in was very helpful for me. I hope you find it helpful too!!
    July.

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  18. are you kidding? i was expecting to see gigantor pregor woman at the end of this post!

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    1. Me too! Are you fishing for compliments here or something?

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  19. First off, as you know you look beautiful and not at all big to my eye. I'm so with you here though. I'm at 26 weeks with my second pregnancy and I'm huge this time (the last one I was much smaller). It's been surprisingly difficult to embrace my new body. I'm so excited about the baby, but I feel like a whale. I'm working hard to enjoy this miraculous gift that pregnancy is, it could be my last and I want to treasure every moment. Hopefully I can do that too in the next few months.

    xox Lilly

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  20. You are absolutely gorgeous. Yes, walk in love (and be kind to yourself in the moments you slip)...You are smack dab in the middle of growing your own little miracle and though it may not be comfortable at times (emotionally or physically) the act alone is worthy of endless love, admiration and acceptance. xoxo

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  21. Fais confiance a ton corps .....tu n'essais pas de comprendre comment il fabrique les poumons de ton bebe....ainsi, n'essais pas non plus de resister son besoin de prendre du poids :)
    Tu est splendide, rayonnante, douce, PLEINE DE VIE!

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  22. Hi,
    I just read your post, and got down to the pictures. You are tiny and beautiful!!! Good luck with your lovely baby.

    Julie Q

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  23. You look very small for 7 months to me. If my bump had looked like that when I was pregnant I would have thought I looked so cute!

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  24. What sweet words from that woman. I'm going to start saying that when the opportunity arises. People seem so dumbfounded by pregnant women that they just don't know what to say. I'm usually so in awe I just stare haha . You are lovely

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  25. Oh please. Get over yourself.

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  26. That anyone can say you are HUGE is amazing and completely untrue.

    Your beautiful little bump is just that, a beautiful little bump. The rest of you is still almost the same size. I was like this with my first pregnancy, the baby was all bump and I was all me. The next time I swelled up all over, each and every pregnancy varies slightly just as each and every gorgeous little baby that comes out at the end of it is a complete individual.

    Love your body, now AND after, it's proving what it's capable of .... giving life, a miracle.

    Enjoy your last couple of months :-)

    And as for the Anonymous comment above mine - Oh Please...go away, or unpublishable words to that effect!!

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  27. Oh yes when you are pregnant you become as a public character and everybody speaks about your weight and also about choices which you make for the childbirth.
    It is not easy every day but it is necessary to be strong for two and apparently you are!!!

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  28. Oh, I love this post! And you do look beautiful.
    I took 20 kg during pregnancy and I was HUGE. I know the twin remarks... Not always easy to walk in love, but I tried to.
    And it really just was the way my body makes babies - even if my midwife didn't put it that nicely and wanted to send me to a dietician (where I did not go).
    I btw lost every ounce during the first 4 months. With pre-pregnancy weight breastfeeding got a lot more demanding, so I was in the end thankful for every ounce I had taken during pregnancy and that helped me through the first months...

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  29. If I happened upon you on the street I would stop you and say "my GOD! You are beautiful!" You are looking amazing :) Keep on rockin that baby bump!

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  30. i COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from. thank you for this post! i'm due on tuesday and the comments you get are just unbelievable. wait until your baby drops - they'll go from "HOW many babies in there?" to "jeez, when's your due date, YESTERDAY?" "you're certainly big enough!"(i got those gems yesterday). i'm only 5'3".. there's just not a lot of room for a baby, period. i can't help the way my body looks and it's enough of a mindfuck to process the changes without having strangers comment on them!
    i really don't understand why people seem to lose all sense of what's right and wrong to say when they're talking to a pregnant woman. is it that they see a pregnant woman and they want to acknowledge it somehow, they don't know what to say, so the first stupid thing they thing comes out, no filter? that's my theory, at least.
    regardless - i hope you're more successful than i am at tuning it out! i think the only things people should say to a pregnant woman are "you look beautiful" and "you're going to be such a great mom". you look beautiful and you are going to be such a great mom!

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  31. I got the "you're huge!" and "are you carrying twins" comments all the time as well. It was definitely disheartening. In the end, I also just made peace with the fact that that is how my body grows a baby. I also didn't love the weight as quickly as some of my friends but I did lose it all and it took about 9 months, which my midwife said was perfect since it takes 9 months to put it all on gradually and take it all off at about the same rate. Don't dispair! You do look beautiful and your body is making an amazing thing happen. And when your son is there and your body keeps changing and you keep struggling to figure out what to wear and how to reconcile your new shape, remember that this is all a phase but your beautiful son is with you forever. :)

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  32. You are beautiful! Your belly is wonderful! And the baby, growing inside your belly, is beyond wonderful, it's the best thing your body can make, it's more than a wonder! Enjoy your last months of pregnancy!

    hugs!

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  33. you look gorgeous! don't mind anything else!

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  34. Try to hear, "You're huge!" as their excitement for you; their interpretation of how full of life you are, how important that baby is to command space in this world before it even been born, how changed you are already. That's all they really mean, they just can't articulate it.

    I am a larger person without the excuse of a pregnancy. I work with pregnant woman. And yet, when my dear friend hit 7 months a few weeks ago, I too wanted to say it ("Look how big!"). Of course I didn't. What I wanted was to exclaim and exalt her "You're so full of glorious life!"....That's truly what it means. It's just that it would be weird to say out loud....Lol. Especially with people you don't know well.

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  35. What are people thinking? You don't look huge AT ALL! Especially for 7 months pregnant. I'm pregnant too and the crap people say to pregnant women is ridiculous. This is the second time around for me, so I care a lot less than I did with my first.

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  36. Hi Kate,
    Isn't it funny how people feel like its okay to comment on a pregnant woman's body? Its the weirdest phenomenon! My midwife once said that the only comment that should be made to a pregnant woman on her body is: "You look SO beautiful!" Because it's true. Pregnant women are radiant no matter their size, and their bodies are doing something miraculous. Everyone gains what they need to to support their baby and breastfeeding post-partum. I gained 29 pounds, and have just lost the last of it 8 months after Ro was born. A good friend of mine gained 60 and lost of all it and then some within 5 months. Go figure. Anyway, just wanted to say that you look GREAT and to enjoy your last few months being pregnant. Take good care! Jenna

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  37. I was pregnant with twins, and I can relate with what you wrote- and I too had a blessedly well timed comment from a woman in my coop in the Berkshires who told me with delight and surprise how gorgeously pregnantly beautiful I was (is she the pregnant lady self-esteem fairy???) and you know what - she was RIGHT!!! I was hugely gorgeously perfectly growing my beloved children inside the miracle of my body, and god how I love my body now that did that good work! You are so so beautiful!!!

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  38. Enjoy reading your blog! You ARE beautiful and pregnant!

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  39. kate, i cried tears of sadness just moments before going to your blog. i was reading about some of the marathon survivors. what lovely tears of joy i wept reading about beautiful bella and her new miracle and then your thoughts on your body, your son, the perverse joy people seem to take in anything that is extraordinary, like your gorgeous belly. there is a video of a woman reading about her two sons growing up. it's called the gift of an ordinary day. cherish all of these ordinary days. take pictures even if you never intend to share them. i feel such a pull to come to you, to see your life, to feel my nephew kick and punch. sometimes i worry that if i come i may never leave (which would be an even bigger concern for the two of you) i love seeing rudy teaching the joy of swimming to hawk eye. i love everything i see about the life that two of my favorite people have had the strength to create. and as your world continues to grow with animals and human babies, i have hope that some of your peace and joy carries over to the rest of the world. love you. susie

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