6.13.2013

moving inward


Our house really only consists of two rooms, so here they are, in their splendor. Kitchen-livingroom-diningroom. And bedroom. We also have a bathroom and a cellar. Both of which Nick and I find infinitely convenient and fun, but neither of which are particularly photogenic. Actually, the bathroom is quite pretty. But who wants to see a photo of a bathroom? It is small. Remarkably so. As though it were built for a very small man. The shower head was placed so the stream of water hits you square in the chest. Very European we say, under the perhaps misguided impression that all European conveniences (including showers) are small by American standards. The bathroom was also bestowed a skylight. So, while bathing you can spy on the how the cows, chickens, and sheep are all doing on their respective plots of grass. You can't see the pigs nor the goats from that vantage though....every skylight has its limits.

This is our home, in two photos. It is slightly bigger than our former. It was built, 25 years ago, as the beginning of a man's retirement home. Sadly, his wife was struck with a tumor in the brain and the two were never able to realize old age here. Since then, few have really lived here but for the occasional caretaker. So, in many ways it feels like a new house, virtually unlived.

It is within the walls of this little house that is now Ours (with that very capital 'O') that I have been cocooning. Moving inward as I try to describe it to friends. It is not for a lack of outdoor activity. Between the garden, the forest work, the milkings, the fence moving, and the growing number of animals I have been spending in fact a good number of exhausting hours outside. But the house has become my womb as I move inward. As I reach 36 weeks I have been making the concerted point to slow down. To give myself the head space to reflect on the arrival of this baby boy. How I envision the birth. How I envision my future as his mother. How I see Nick and I now, and who we will be with our son.

I haven't been able to give this pregnancy much reflection in the past couple of months as we moved farm and home and as the tremendous responsibility of the spring thaw fell upon us. Before we moved I had a belly and I felt the flutter of his kicks but now I can hardly put socks on without Nick's help and we can feel our son's feet kicking my ribs. He wakes me up nearly every morning with hiccups. He starts moving (or dancing?) whenever Nick picks up the guitar. He has become a real human being in this third trimester. He has become our son and I his mother and Nick his father. We have worked frantically in the past two months to prepare home and farm for his arrival. We are still working frantically, though Nick more so than I. His car seat is promised to arrive today. His bassinet is in place. I even got a couple packs of newborn disposable diapers for the first weeks.

My sister arrives for the summer on Saturday. And once she does, perhaps unbeknownst to her, I will be slowing down even more as she helps me with my chores and Nick with his. No matter how much the farm needs me, I won't be going full steam from dawn to dusk much longer. If this means the garden has to go to the weeds, so be it. I want to lay on the hammock outdoors or snuggle up in our bed next to his bassinet. At least once a day. Just maybe for 20 minutes to talk to him and to prepare myself for his coming.

So, my apologies for the speckled silence here. I have no intention of letting this blog go as it is the only place I record anything in any kind of consistent manner. But everything will gradually slow down in the coming months. The farm work, the emails, the blogging, the visitors. Our attention must naturally be allowed to focus on the importance of this summer; the safe and healthy birth of our first son.

Ok, enough babbling, I must go move milk and then play with the goats in the forest as we four try to save an old apple orchard from the encroaching woods. Nick is picking up lumber this morning to start building the platform for the yurt. My sister is going to need a place to sleep after we run her exhausted with all these farm chores every day.


29 comments:

  1. oh, so sweet! i'm moving back to vermont myself in just a week! this is making me excited to return.

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  2. I love your house, and what a lovely place for your son to call home. I am also rather envious of your sister having a yurt all to herself :-)

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  3. I love your house.....so very peaceful. I am wanting to declutter and make our house much simpler but oh what a job I have before me. Seeing your beautiful home makes me want to begin right away. Thanks for sharing....I loved this post!

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  4. Oh wow. Pretty home, pretty words. Can't wait to see the yurt and the boy!

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  5. I am so happy and excited for you!!!

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  6. What an exciting time!! Your house is beautiful and will be even more so when your son comes. I also wanted to update you that I have finally found a place much closer to my house to buy local farm eggs!! They are not much more than the grocery store and are much easier on the conscience. If anyone around Cambridge asks you where they might be able to find some, tell them Capone Foods in Union Square has some, not to mention fresh pasta (made right there!) and sauces. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  7. Enjoy every minute :)

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  8. this is all so wonderful, kate. i love the idea of you taking 20 minutes a day to talk to you little one. we've been starting to do the same as well. what a beautiful home to welcome your son into. he will be so very loved and happy there.

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  9. beautiful, beautiful. I love coming here. such a repose to hear your words and your everyday musings. xxoo

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  10. Your home is lovely. Good for you for acknowledging the need to slow down and be present with your sweet babe. :)

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  11. Your home is beautiful!! One of your goats looks very much like one of ours:)
    Enjoy your final weeks of pregnancy.
    Warmly,
    Tonya

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  12. Great great great!!! Oh, that house deserves to be filled with life after the old couples' tragedy... Maybe Nick or your sister will take over the blog? Have a beautiful cocooning time!! =) xx

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  13. Your home looks like such a dream, it really does. So happy for how things are coming together for you.

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  14. Oh! Your new home is so beautiful!

    I can't wait to greet your baby boy.

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  15. Such a gorgeous home! All that wood is gorgeous. I too live in a small space and sometimes I find myself wishing for something bigger but quaint little spaces have such a wonderful feel to them, very cozy and warm.

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  16. That is a beautiful home. So happy for you 3.

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  17. Everything looks just the way it should!
    Where is that beautiful bassinet from?
    Kristin

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  18. three hoorays for the arrival of your sister! all my love and best wishes to you... enjoy the quiet moments and seize them as often as you might. x meg

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  19. I love your beautiful home.
    Katerina ff
    Greece

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  20. I urge you; take the time to be slow. Feel this moment. Like all others, it will pass so quickly that you will scarcely remember what it was really like. Soon your home and life will be loud and busy and it will never be this quiet again. Soak it in.
    Wonderful, incredible changes are coming your way. Give this ending the honor it deserves by being as present as you can.
    All my best as your time approaches! I hope it is comfortable and peaceful for you.

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  21. Enjoy the time and space that has been created for you and your growing family. Every aspect of what you're experiencing is beautiful and full of magic...savor every moment!

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  22. I love your blog, beautiful home and farm. It is always a peaceful and lovely. Thank you for sharing.

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  23. Oh, I am so endlessly excited for you. I'm gearing up to be a makeshift doula at my friend's birth (remember the one who is due a day apart from you?) Her baby has already started to descend! Before you know it, both of you will be beautiful mamas and your hearts will forever be transformed. The anticipation is out of this world and I'm on the outside of it all! I simply can't imagine what you are feeling right now. Best of wishes as you transition into being a mama to a tiny blinking baby with peachfuzz skin. I can't wait to see him Kate! xo

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  24. when I was born my parents were caretaking for a 900-acre farm in Virginia. My birth therefore was scheduled, because who knew if mom was going to get 40 miles to the nearest hospital on time if it wasn't? Reading about your life makes me think about my parents back then and their lives. Its very nice, thank you.

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  25. the house looks absolutely beautiful, and it seems like you are doing a great job with all this going on. good luck in the next few weeks!

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  26. I just found your blog and love it. I am a fellow vermonter (living in the big city of Burlington ;) My husband and I run a business too and get to stay in touch with farms through our local farmers market. But anyways I have just read a few posts so far. I had a baby this past november and being business owners with my fella it was kind of a shock at the transition. I had NO idea what to expect and have found that we have adapted well but into roles I didn't expect (I;m pretty much a stay at home mom for now). Anyways... I keep saying that. I wish you a glorious labor and birth and you will feel like your old self again in no time after (except for the boobies now being the babies ;). Its amazing how much energy you will have again those first few weeks, even with broken sleep. And newborns, oh they travel so well. They love the movement and the noise and the day to day. Congrats and I cant wait to read more of your life with the little one on the farm :) P.S. - I swear all of our summers aren't so darn rainy!

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  27. Where did you get that rad bassinet from?!

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  28. You have a beautiful home, Kate. I adore the layout of your bedroom. The two windows pretty much act like a headboard. I'm sure the streams of sunlight coming through the windows makes for a great way to wake up every morning.

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