6.15.2011

i need you all to think good, strong, powerful thoughts for my nick today. its his 2nd day in the hospital. all we know is it is somekind of infection. or maybe its a virus. they know very little. but he is quite ill. i would tell you more but i don't know much more myself. some hours he is my nick. and some hours he is just lying there...all hooked up to machines...the exoskeleton of my nick.

i've been paralyzed with an unknowing of what to do or how to help or where to sit and stare at him and will him to get better. his father is here. which is a godsend. but its so very terrifying to one morning wake up, kiss your love goodbye, and then, in what feels like an eternity and also just 5 minutes,  you are rushing across the state in the middle of the night to get to his bedside at a hospital in a town you don't know very well.

i shouldn't be on the computer right now. i feel a weight of guilt at blogging while he is lying there. truthfully, all i want to do is shop online....or go to a wedding....or pick onions. i want to do anything but be in that hospital room. not because i don't totally and completely love nick, because, i do. he is my partner in every way of that word and seeing him hurt and sick destroys me. but i want to pretend so badly like this isn't happening. so very very badly. i just want to take him home and shake us both and say you're not sick.  that's probably high on the list awful things you have heard today.

so please, think good thoughts for him. because i need him to be back to being nick. i need us to be able to kiss and hug and laugh and work and play and sing and farm and garden and argue and eat and sleep and be kate and nick together. i hope that this is all just a big scare. that nothing is as serious as they say it could be. that tomorrow we'll come home and forget all about it.

37 comments:

  1. oh no! i hope he feels better really soon!!!! hospitals are the worst.......take care, girl- i'm sending good thoughts. xxxxx Love, Naomi

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  2. Sending the happiest of good thoughts... Get well fabulously quick Nick.

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  3. My heart goes out to you. May you have the strength and optimism you need. Loved ones in the hospital... How fewer worse feelings there are. Best wishes.♥

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  4. oh dear! i hope and pray the doctors will have wisdom in diagnosing and treating him. it is very difficult to see your man in a hospital bed and hooked up to machines, mine was a few months ago and nothing else makes you feel more vulnerable and helpless. i hope you find the strength and refuge you need in yourself and those around you. thoughts and prayers.

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  5. Je pense à vous...

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  6. i hope all is back to normal quickly. thinking of you guys.

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  7. hang in there! Nick will get better.

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  8. Sending hopes and prayers for Nick's health. I don't think what you wrote is awful; it's honest. Illnesses are hard to deal with, especially when it is someone you love!

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  9. wishing you the best from a farm in chile!

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  10. Sending thoughts and prayers your way, we'll be thinking of you and waiting for a happy update.

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  11. Wow, my thoughts are with the two of you. Know that the way you are feeling is normal, and the majority of folks can relate. Don't beat yourself up, and know that many people are sending their loving and positive thoughts your way, even when you're down and out.

    All the best,
    Mel

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  12. man, that breaks my heart. i'm so sorry you guys are going through this. there's nothing worse than your love person being ill and not being able to help them.

    i'm thinking so many good thoughts for your guys!! i hope your back to loving and farming really, really soon.

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  13. Good thoughts and wishes and hugs sent to both of you. I can't imagine what you must be going through, but please know that you are strong and you can handle this and you two (both of you) will make it thru. Take care love <3

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  14. Thoughts prayers spirit fingers. All are with you at such a difficult time. Sincerest wishes for a speedy recovery Nick!

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  15. sending wishes for a speedy recovery from durham. and i wouldn't feel bad about escaping to the blog. letting it out lifts some of that heavy burden of fear/anxiety/sadness off your chest. get well soon, nick.

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  16. Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that. I am thinking of the two of you and wishing Nick a speedy recovery.

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  17. I think all of what you are feeling is totally normal, and not at all awful, so please don't beat yourself up. I hope Nick is back to being your Nick in no time, and that it's all just a scare. I have my fingers crossed for you.

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  18. My heart broke a little reading this. For you. For Nick. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

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  19. kate.

    all my positive thoughts are headed your way- to being nick again. xx

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  20. awwww my thoughts and prayers go out to you both! Hope your husband gets better soon!

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  21. Sending healing & strength vibes your way.

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  22. kate! sending more love.

    i wondered why i 'had to' stop and record a voice note for you today

    it felt like i needed to

    and now i know why

    and i'm so sorry

    i wish i could be there for you (and nick)

    to distract, comfort, bake cookies

    with love from boston

    xo

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  23. Sending prayers.
    It is always heartbreaking to see anyone's world rocked like this.

    ~Michele

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  24. Thinking the strongest positive thoughts and sending them along to you, dear. <3 Everything is going to be okay.

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  25. Sending positive wave vibes your way. Hope to see a full recovery post in the next day or so!

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  26. Kate honey

    So good to talk with you this morning and to hear that Nick is finally feeling better today
    -a blessing that Ziggy is there with you too.

    Hang in there darling; you guys are almost out of the woods.

    much love,
    Dad

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  27. My heart breaks for you. I know your anticipation and worry. My husband recently, having been working in 90 degree weather out on the black top, became very ill. It was a c ombination of being dehydrated, the heat, and a viral infection that had snuck up on him. I am praying for the best.

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  28. Stay positive, look up at the big sky and he will get better. Thinking of you!

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  29. all the powerful prayers i can muster coming your & nick's way. as i nurse-- may you be encouraged by someone who has seen people come oh-so-close to the edge--- and pull back. turn around. and end up right back home where they started. things often will appear worse before they get better. but have faith. his body wants to heal. people overcome incredible things. it's hardest for you-- the onlooker. but don't feel helpless. your presence is as good as medicine.

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  30. Thinking of you both and wishing him a quick recovery. Chin up, and hang in there.

    xo-A

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  31. Sending lots of love and healthy thoughts!

    xo
    Amber

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  32. I can't stop thinking about you guys. Good thoughts, positive vibes and wishes of well-being are being hurled your way.

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  33. Oh goodness, I am so sorry. I hope he is back to normal soon.

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  34. thinking of you guys and praying for you. what a sweet gift you are to nick... i'm sure just having you nearby is such a comfort to him. and vice versa.

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  35. i am deeply sorry. praying for wellness for your mister.

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  36. I'm so sorry to read this. I'm new to your blog. You have many prayers coming your way from Oregon.

    Love
    Kacie
    A Collection of Passions

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  37. Without trying, I found this post tonight. It was at the bottom of your most recent post. Synchronicity...

    I'm so glad he got better. So so glad. Jamie's home, by the way. Home and feeling okay. Happy to be eating read food instead of hospital mash.

    :)

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